say good-buy

sometimes it smacks u right in the face. sometimes it bites u down at the throat. and at all times, it has always hit hard. reality.

this is the realizations i get after receiving some form of enlightenment yesterday. today i realize that i shouldn't easily trust anyone. especially not if it's a salesman. kind of can't help but feel a little used...he kept me believing that there might be something special. but in the end, the truth just comes out. i've been a fool. i trusted him, but all he did was use me. how nice. i know that now. i shouldn't be too nice to people. especially if he's a salesman.

Sweet sadness

Morning was misty and so were the eyes. Secluded from the world by steel walls, this time the experience was unique. It felt like floating on an endless wave. The feeling and the emotion was more real, as if it was touched, as if it was tasted. It was the cry  of  the presence. The shift has happened. Dwelling in the sorrow of absence is replaced with the feelings of presence. All this while, It was about being lonely but not alone. This time it was being alone but not lonely. Tears of presence felt sweeter than the tears of absence.

My traveler heart -1

Yes I like it, but I don’t want to own it, yes it’s sweet but I wont taste it. Yes its killing, but I want to live. Different life; separate routes. I choose to stay on the cross road for a moment, but I am just standing there Oh fellow traveler! I am just admiring the landscape. But I will move on, my journey is endless and I love being in it. So don’t look for me when I go away, I have no reasons to give you, I am as unreasonable as my life. Agreed, it is a pretty sight, let me have a picture of it in my heart and then I will do what travelers do.....I will move on. Hope I'll find you again in a different time and a space.

where are u baby?

bila resah, ingat saat indah.
bila rindu, ku nyanyikan lagumu...


when you are anxious, think of the beautiful moments.
when you are missing someone, sing their song.


well, that's about the best translation i can come up with.
remember once i said something about expectations and not having any? throw that out of the window please.
i'm starting to have some form of expectations now. and i am feeling a little disappointed. i wanted so much for something nice and something different to happen. now i am left wondering what should i do. just sit quiet and mope? why did he do this to me? :(

number 1

first dates. i'm freaking out again. haven't done this properly.
argh.


then comes the scary moment. is there going to be a second date? well.
one step at a time.


i'm nervous as hell, i must admit. haha.

Can a song make you cry ?

The stupid song makes me cry these days , and I am translating it to get over it

"When my eyes searched for you, you were so far away,
but when I closed my eyes and took a moment to think, I found you smiling in my heart.
My heart was with me which I am loosing now, seems something happened to me the moment I got you.
And now I am sitting here, forgetting about everything else, but my confidence in you and I want ages to surpass with you by my side.
I  live looking at you and I will die looking at you. My heart prays for you day and night, I  also pray that the flower of our hope never wilts.
From the moment, I have been colored  in the colours of your love, I sleep while I am awake and I am awake when I sleep. Because I am scared that someone will snatch away my dreams full of your love.
Cry cry cry cry again :( :(
Damn it the girl dies in the end :( :(

lead us not to temptation

oh dear god.

i have been resisting for so long. i can't help it. but i am still holding back.

holding back the yearning to peek into my past. i do not want to. but somehow i feel that i have to.

and then again, i know i am lying to myself so that i won't feel so bad if i did it again.

as of now, this point in time, i have not faltered. each time i see his face smiling at me, i am thinking, i want u back. but. i know that this can't be. my heart has failed to learn the lesson it has to. i have found other distractions and been sent some as well. seemed to have worked for some time, but since the distraction is no where to be found right now, i am at a lost. possibly the best thing for me to do is log out. shut down the damn computer. go to bed. 

GO TO BED! xoxo. good night :)