Can a song make you cry ?

The stupid song makes me cry these days , and I am translating it to get over it

"When my eyes searched for you, you were so far away,
but when I closed my eyes and took a moment to think, I found you smiling in my heart.
My heart was with me which I am loosing now, seems something happened to me the moment I got you.
And now I am sitting here, forgetting about everything else, but my confidence in you and I want ages to surpass with you by my side.
I  live looking at you and I will die looking at you. My heart prays for you day and night, I  also pray that the flower of our hope never wilts.
From the moment, I have been colored  in the colours of your love, I sleep while I am awake and I am awake when I sleep. Because I am scared that someone will snatch away my dreams full of your love.
Cry cry cry cry again :( :(
Damn it the girl dies in the end :( :(

lead us not to temptation

oh dear god.

i have been resisting for so long. i can't help it. but i am still holding back.

holding back the yearning to peek into my past. i do not want to. but somehow i feel that i have to.

and then again, i know i am lying to myself so that i won't feel so bad if i did it again.

as of now, this point in time, i have not faltered. each time i see his face smiling at me, i am thinking, i want u back. but. i know that this can't be. my heart has failed to learn the lesson it has to. i have found other distractions and been sent some as well. seemed to have worked for some time, but since the distraction is no where to be found right now, i am at a lost. possibly the best thing for me to do is log out. shut down the damn computer. go to bed. 

GO TO BED! xoxo. good night :)

back to go back

Why do we go back again and again to something, we don’t want to go back to. One fine day we promise our self, “I am not going to do it again” and the next moment “oops I did it again!” It’s like warm molten death by chocolate, you know it’s going to add extra muffins around your waist, but you just can’t resist the temptation.  Before you know, it’s already in your mouth, that’s it. Gluttony, isn’t it one of the 7 sins. They say you should abstain from it. But Gluttony is not just about food or wealth.  It can have a wide spectrum. Am I making sense here? May be lotus can throw some light. Sometimes Gluttony is overindulgence with relationships. Sometimes we just don’t want to let go, we crave for suffering and drama.When that doesn’t happen, life becomes tasteless, monotonous and boring. Is there a way out? Can we survive without drama? Hmmm I’ll let this thought linger with me for a while.

Let me be

Getting a feeling of being controlled in a very subtle way.  Not really a fan of intrusion unless I welcome and cherish it. If I am interested, I will come and ask, no mind games please ,thank you very much. Some breathing space once in a while, is it too much to ask? I need my moments, just me and my life. Brooding on a couch watching a movie, writing or doing nothing.  Please register in your head, from now on if you don't find me online or my phone is out of reach, this means either I am hibernating or may be simply avoiding you.  Don't ask me what , where , when and why. You may not like the answer.

Sex - Yes I used that word in my blog. And no, my blog is not for 18 years and above. This post is for all those men and women in our country who consider sex as taboo.

Well let me ask you a question here. How many of you told your four year old that it’s not right for a person to touch your private part? You should not let anyone touch you, or remove your clothes, or put their hands in wrong places, even if they give you toys and chocolates. How many of you told your kids that if something like that happens they should come and tell you no matter what. Even if the person had threaten them to death.

When was the last time you talked about sex with your kid.

This post is the documentation of my anger and disgust towards those parents who can kill to get the best education and schooling for their kids but fail to give them simple sex education.

This is my hatred towards all those Indians, who consider Sex as taboo. It's my rage and filth for all those twisted brains, who use innocent kids to satisfy their twisted body needs.

I wonder why, we as parents are not able to provide our kids listening. Why can't they come and confide in us. Where are we failing? Isn't it a shame to leave our kids on the mercy of those monsters, because we are not comfortable to talk about sex. Our children suffer; the pain in their eyes goes unnoticed. Why? Because we are living in our own denial, completely ignorant of the fact, that someone who has access to our kids is touching them in wrong places, abusing them brutally.

The shocking discovery is that many times parents know about the dirty laundry. They just don't have courage to open their mouth. In this country, mothers ask their daughters not to utter a word, because the monster is someone with a big hold in the family. He can be a bread winner, shelter provider, or a boyfriend.

What are we ashamed of? Can’t we open our eyes and see what is at stake? Can the risk of sexually abused kid developing into dysfunctional adult be completely ignored because in India act of sex before marriage or talking about sex is forbidden? Where are we going on the name of culture?

Why did talking out loud about a simple bodily desire become transgression? Our children are not safe, any cousin, milkman or tutor can abuse them. And the worst part is that we are not ready to fight for it. Just because, we are ashamed.

ASHAMED of what?

Ever wonder what happens to those kids when they grow up. I have seen how dysfunctional they are. They punish themselves for the sin they did not do. They block access to human from their life. They lack faith, they shut life, and they shut love.

Are we born to create this? All the innocence on stake, just because someone once decided that talking out loud about sex is taboo.

Demonic interventions

Danger Danger Danger ! Its knocking my door, I can see it.
I am stepping into it. But I am well equipped !
Something is calling me, I am still not sure. Its all my weakness put in one attractive box, gift wrapped in red and gold.
I was enjoying it thoroughly, but then I saw a small thread of attachment and that thread is the epicenter of low levels of tremors I am going through.
Oh Shut up now.  Stop putting meanings and stories.